What is the central conflict in Bharati Mukherjee's short story "The Management of Grief"?

In literature, there are usually five basic forms of conflict: man versus man; man versus nature; man versus society; man versus self; and man versus technology.

The central conflict in The Management of Grief would be man versus society; the protagonist, Shaila Bhave, finds herself pitted against two opposing societal ideals in grief management, Hindu and secular western. The resolution of the conflict is surprising, but uplifting.

First, we will discuss Shaila's Indian culture. India boasts many different ethnic groups, each with distinct customs regarding death and mourning. Among these ethnic groups, further religious and caste considerations bear critical influence in the area of grief management. Shaila, for example, is Hindu, and conceivably descends from Brahmin ancestry. We are told that Shaila's grandmother was a 'spoiled daughter of a rich zamindar...' Zamindars or Bhumihar Brahmins were wealthy, land-owning aristocrats. In her grandmother's time, widowed Brahmin women were considered unlucky. They were expected to shave their heads as an act of shame after their husband's demise. Essentially, it was an act of penance for bringing such ill luck to her household.

In the story, Shaila's grandmother was purported to have 'shaved her head with rusty razor blades when she was widowed at sixteen.' Today, many widows (even those from the higher castes), are expected to restrict their diets to plain foods, eschewing sexually stimulating foods such as garlic, onions, pickles, and fish. Many widows, especially those from the Brahmin castes, are expected to devote the rest of their lives to worship and prayer, most notably at ashrams. Shaila confesses that no one thinks 'of arranging a husband for an unlucky widow.'

Shaila herself visits one such ashram 'in a tiny Himalayan village' and makes 'offerings of flowers and sweetmeats to the god of a tribe of animists.' While she worships, her husband descends to her as a supernatural incarnation of himself. He speaks to her as her former teacher: "You must finish alone what we started together." When a 'sweaty hand gropes' for her blouse, she does not scream. Interestingly, Hindu mythology is filled with stories of otherworldly sexual activity between deceased husbands and their widowed wives.

In life, a Hindu woman is defined as an extension of her husband and sons. This outward manifestation of value is conferred upon a woman based on an ancient, patriarchal construct that has been revered for centuries. In life as in death, a woman graciously abides by her husband's edicts; should he die, her svadharma (personal duty) is defined by her husband in any incarnation he may choose ('How to tell Judith Templeton that my family surrounds me, and that like creatures in epics, they've changed shapes?'). Essentially, the husband-wife relationship is that of a master-pupil (guru-shishya) relationship.

In the story, we are told that 'substantial, educated, successful men of forty' are expected to marry and to 'look after a wife,' while the widows are expected to remain chaste. While a man derives relevance from his status as a provider, a woman's value is defined by her relation to her husband. Differing expectations aren't unusual for Hindu women such as Shaila.

Now, from the western, secular standpoint, Judith Templeton's grief philosophy represents the quintessentially clinical outlook favored by many experts. To Judith, 'there are stages to pass through: rejection, depression, acceptance, reconstruction.' Remarriage is part of reconstruction, but even Judith is a little surprised at 'how quickly some of the men have taken on new families.' Because she has such little experience and knowledge of traditional Indian ways of grieving, Judith enlists Shaila's help in reaching out to other families. She thinks that Shaila's outward calm demonstrates her strength; she doesn't realize that, even within her own community, Shaila's unusually restrained outward demeanor differentiates her from her peers. Shaila is descended from a Zamindar and manifests only what she is expected to: dignified calmness in the midst of tragedy. However much her true self desires cathartic, emotional release, she refuses to give way to hysterics.

So, how is the 'protagonist versus society' conflict resolved? Does Shaila resort to the life of penance expected of a Brahmin widow, or does she choose the western, clinical approach? At the end of the story, we are told that Shaila hears the voices of her husband and sons one last time; their voices tell her to 'go, be brave' and that her time has come. So, essentially, Shaila chooses to adhere to her Hindu beliefs, but with a caveat. Instead of relying on incarnations of her husband and sons to guide her future, she decides to choose her own guru-shishya relationship and to pursue her svadharma (personal duty) on her terms. Whatever the future holds, she will decide how she receives wisdom and how she fulfills her purpose on earth.